after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
