dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
