I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
