When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
