I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
