She said her name was "party"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
