that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
