It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
