He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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