i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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