mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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