I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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