Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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