I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
