She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
