nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
