His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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