which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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