ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
