Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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