My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
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I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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