I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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