My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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