"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
