So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
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