before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Holy sore nipples Batman
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
