P.S. I can't hear my feet
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
