I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
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ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
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It's never too late to be topless.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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