Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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