oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize