Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
