He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
