i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
