butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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