I wannas sexs uuuuu
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
