so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
