so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
