nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
