Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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