I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
