Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's never too late to be topless.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
