think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
