I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
