You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I could make wine with my vomit
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
