so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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