Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
