It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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