First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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