am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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