Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.

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(702): View more from Nevada

no you cant smoke seaweed

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(425): View more from Washington

Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while

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(703): View more from Virginia

yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?

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(613): View more from Ontario

No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.

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(646): View more from New York

I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Wish me luck on my new penis adventure

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