Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
