Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
