you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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