I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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