remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
we're so committed to being not committed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
