she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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