We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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