You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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