I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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