Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I party with great urgency now.
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