my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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