Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
