Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
do nipples grow back?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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