the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
