I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
