Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
