all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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