I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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