Plan B is the new Plan A
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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