just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you win again, gameday.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
