"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
