I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
