Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
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You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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