I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
