it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
