hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
