you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
