Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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