I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize