Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I want to have your abortion
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I cut my penus on the lid.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she peed on how many people?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
