The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
