Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
