I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize