Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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