Pregnant stripper...not hot.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
