By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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