Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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