I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
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Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
is it fun? or sober?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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